Things That May Help

We don’t want to give advice as such, but will say this, be true to yourself. Cry, scream, shout, laugh, rant, walk, talk. Do whatever feels right for you, and don’t let anyone else tell you how you should be grieving or for how long. Take as long as you need.

 There’s no getting past it, child loss is the most excruciating pain you’ll ever experience. Nothing will take the pain away, though I’m told it does lessen over time.

 The following are things that have helped us a little. They may work for you, they may not, but it’s worth a try. We are only six months into this grieving business, so are still learning ourselves!

We have attended the Coping (Care of parents in grief) group meetings held once a month. These are run by the QMC child bereavement team, ClicSargent and the Butterfly Team. QMC phone number is 0115 9249924, extension 66276 for the bereavement team, and extension 63987 for Clic. The Butterfly Team at Barnadoes number is 0115 9575300.

 We also went to a Compassionate Friends meeting. This is an international organization but with local groups; ‘giving support and friendship for bereaved parents and their families by those similarly bereaved.’

The Compassionate Friends publish many leaflets and books. One we found really helpful is called ‘Beyond Tears, living after losing a child.’ It just reinforces that you’re not alone, and how you’re feeling is ‘normal.’

We’ve come across a couple of websites that have been useful;

www.silentgriefsupport.com
There is also a facebook page where a new status is posted every day. Often these are spot on.

www.myblueheart.org.uk
They ‘aim to give bereaved people a way to show others they are grieving through wearing a heart shaped badge, in forget-me-not blue, with a red heart in its heart. The badge conveys the message – I carry your heart in mine and always will.

www.counselingstlouis.net
This Sibling Connection aims "to provide resources to grieving siblings"; and has a lot of helpful links to films, books, poems etc for siblings of all ages. The book 'Sibling Grief' by the director of The Sibling Connection is also worth a read.

For us, talking to other bereaved parents has been the most beneficial. Although everybody’s grief is different other people who have lost a child just ‘get it.’ They truly know how it feels to have your heart broken.

As a rule poetry isn’t really our thing, but there a few that struck a chord, and we’d like to share:

I have not turned my back on you, so there is no need to cry, 

I’m watching you from Heaven, just beyond the morning sky. 

I’ve seen you almost fall apart, when you could barely stand 

I asked an angel to comfort you and watched her take your hand 

She told me you are in more pain than I can ever be, 

She wiped your eyes and swallowed hard, then gave your hand to me. 

Although you may not feel my touch, or see me by your side, 

I’ve whispered that I love you while I wiped each tear you cried. 

So please try not to ache for me, we’ll meet again one day, 

Beyond the dark and stormy sky, a rainbow lights the way. 

 ……………………… 

 Looking forward to the future must be very hard for you 

But your loved one wouldn’t want you feeling sad and feeling blue 

So treasure all your memories and things you shared together 

For in your heart the love you shared will be with you forever. 

 ……………………… 

 And in the words of that very wise bear, Winnie the Pooh….

If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember, You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you. 

 ………………………… 

 We hope you have found help or comfort from something here.

With best wishes and understanding from
Shirley, Glen and Eleanor Read